Saturday, January 29, 2011


I had the privilege of being in a club when the two sticks of the clock were facing the heavens, like any good herald of the new year would. The party was lively and the music invigorating; the locale was splendid and cumulatively, they did justice the marking of a new twelvemonth.

Those who know me are aware of my insatiable thirst to fathom my surrounding. Therefore, in keeping with this disposition , I started profiling my fellow revelers, the lively creatures of the night. I drew several broad classes of persons therein.


These are the people who are herded in the same locale my friends or a prior management. Sadly, I did not fall under this category. They had most of the fun but I really doubt any of them truly got a word in sideways to the person on the opposite side of the table. Thank goodness sign language was developed for persons as rowdy, and sometimes randy, as these.


These are the dudes who were having a hard time staying awake when I first entered the establishment. You would think that such would be ogling as there was no shortage of scantily wrapped eye-candy but you would be wrong.

Such a person was sitting behind me, back to back. Gravity took control of the old boy's massive head, with a backward bearing in a collision course with mine. I swear that falling off The Anniversary Towers, head first, would have hurt less.

Methinks they had finally given up paying for the mortgage and they became at peace with the idea of a public bedroom.


The joint was not endowed with a dance hall the size of a stadium. As the place continued to get packed, most found that the only space they'd call their own was the general area occupied by their feet.

Hilarious was when such people insisted on dancing to the fabulous cocktail of beats the talented disk jockey was conjuring up. I wonder if they ever realized that their idea of dancing was actually moving strictly vertically, like a yo-yo. Then again I guess I should not be hard on them since they were showing off to persons of the opposite gender.

After all, dancing is nothing but vertical movements with 'horizontal intentions'.


Now these are the people I did not envy. Their evening largely consisted of being planted on a sofa, watching the rest of humanity have fun. They had a mind-numbingly predictable hand movement: glass taken up and down then phone taken real close to the eyeballs or ears.

Some of them were on facebook lying to their friends of how great the party was. Others were trying to call friends in the desperate hope that they'd get company but in vain. Those who came in late and lacked seats mimicked flag poles and coat hangers, tucked away in some dark corners of the club

Come to think of it, beer companies do not exclusively sell alcohol in kegs for their benefit and instead use portable vessels like cans and bottles. If you ever find yourself in this situation, stay at home and drink yourself silly there.


These are the people who attracted anything with a pulse. Some were as over-dressed as a gazelle usually is; as you can imagine, very little fabric was attached to their skin. Others were in desperate need of a duffel bag because their wallets were not cutting the mustard. For these people, the ends justified the means and they had the honour of having the most fun.

They walked up and down, secretly keeping score of how many phone numbers they would get or give, depending on whether you were a dangler or not.


I'm no authority on having a good time, small wonder which group I was in. All I'm saying is that there is great humour in analyzing your milieu. After a few bottles, the room usually turns into a circus and everybody a clown.


This is one of the more fervid issues in society without a doubt. Its just one of those issues where people take sides by default as dictated by their gender. This is why I classify it under the broad complex of 'Battle of the sexes.'

I did post such an issue during the Tiger Woods fiasco and again, the same topic hath crept back to my radar courtesy of the athlete Wanjiru's saga.

Trying to cure what ails before its too late…

According to a certain guy in a happy marriage, turmoil related to money arises when either or both of the partners is not honest about how much they earn and the beginning of the end occurs when someone 'lends' their partner money and expects it to be returned. In my opinion, as long as the money is used for the family, by the family, remuneration is a ludicrous idea.

Squabbles over money

The discussion on a local radio station over money and marriages has been quite insightful; one is able to draw a mental picture the terrain in the world of marriage. First it was the men who complained then the women. The more I listen to this forum, the more I'm convinced the sexes are enthralled in an eternal loop of accusation and counter-accusations.

Its always about who gave what when, was it enough, was it given out of care or obligation.

What is equality post-marriage?

As a foreword, I have the outmost esteem for equity and equality. Personally, I revere the idea of a women whose intellectual and financial might complements mine, both in the present and in the future. After all, the union of two people is supposed to be a synergy.

In the new constitution men and women are 'equal' and should therefore have any gains obtained in the course of their marriage split down the middle between them on divorce. At the risk of upping the temperatures in this issue, I dare say that women and men have never and will never be equal in marriage.

Sure there are the unique situations where men and women mutually contribute to the family equally or where the man or the woman does most of the funding but normally, a tilted landscape exists. Men have always been expected to take care of the family and most do so by default. Therefore, by sheer investment, men are the major shareholders in the marriage. Most disturbingly, how can the man be told to split his wealth in half, hand the woman 'her half' and still take care of the children single-handedly?

I'm appealing to everyone's sense of equity and blatant geometry. One may be accused of thinking of marriage as a really bad investment for men particularly prone to being divorced.

This reminds me of George Orwell's phrase on the Animal Farm: "In the farm, all animals are equal, but some animals are more equal others."

Marriage a money-minting venture.

I got wind of the idea that some women consider marriage a money-minting venture that should be of net profit to them, regardless of the financial terrain of the union.

Drawing a strange relation between a rock and a hard place

Sometimes I wonder which is cheaper; paying for your children's upkeep with a lady you never got married to or losing half of your fortune in the event a man's final marching orders are handed down.

I welcome your opinions.


Validation is the affirmation we obtain from the things around us, may it be loved ones, society or even our skills. Validation is the very thing that fuels and maintains the flame that is our self-esteem and self worth. Affirmation is the source of our strength and the very shield that protects us from the crushing forces of daily life.

We define something through relativism; an object is big simply because it’s the largest in the room. One is a better lover simply because he or she elicits emotions whose fiery intensities are yet to be matched and are second to none. We define ourselves and others as the sum total of all the things we hold dear.

I shall delve into several prime sources of affirmation the common person…


Religion is an all-time classic as long as self identity is concerned. Its gives us so much power, drive and peace that all religions and beliefs are familiar with the term 'Martyr'.

Impacted with spiritual ideals from an early age, we get to know what is acceptable and 'right' to our brethren and to the higher power we cherish and revere. Threats of divine wrath have always been associated with waywardness from doctrine and aim at maintaining a single unified flock of believers.

Divine sanctions notwithstanding, we all crave being in sync and in line with the will of a higher power. This has made myriads of people do despicable things over the ages; extreme things are still being done in the name of religion and desperately wanting to bask in the warmth of what we consider to be holy and divine. Conforming to this gives our lives purpose and direction and it is just about the most powerful validator there is.


It may be intellectual or social endowments but they have one thing in common; the ability to power an individual's existence.

It shows in all fora of life; the pampered always place themselves in positions where endearing sentiments and care are perpetually forthcoming. Intellects always aim for bigger and better challenges so that they can feed off the 'larger than life' feeling they get at the end of every conquest. Social speakers will always relish larger and larger crowds.

We all need to feel like our existence is worth something, that we make a difference in life. Some strike the perfect balance but most end up sacrificing other aspects of their lives at the altar, where they devoutly worship whatever gifts they were endowed with.

Intimate relationships

Enter the persons who are accused time and time again of being clingy; those who throw violent and maybe even homicidal tantrums over the object of their desire.

The affirmation relationships give to an individual bests that afforded by religion almost always. Those in a long-term, stable relationship were noted to be much healthier than individuals in awry arrangements.

Being in love is a feeling second to none. The thrill of holding your soul mate makes colours brighter, aromas more delightful and music much cheerier. Some attest that it’s a feeling that makes life worth living. An individual will be able to take on challenges they once thought too mammoth for them simply because the that special one looked lovingly into their eyes and said "I believe in you"

On the flipside, gruesome breakups strip and torch the affirmation once enjoyed in the recently defunct union. Those unlucky in love will recall wanting the ground to swallow them whole in exchange for dampening the agony that comes with one's life beginning to spin out of control. All of a sudden they don't think they can pull off that big Monday morning meeting; they don't believe they can pull it off simply because they have lost the one person whose validation mattered. They have bid adieu to the one entity that made this crazy existence make sense.

Some people are unable to give their hearts to anyone else simply because the one person they want to give it to still hasn't acknowledged them; they will wait in agony for as long as takes for this to happen, of it will ever happen.

Yes, validation. It’s a voice from within that is whispered from without. We believe we can make a difference because something or someone around us affirms this. That vital factor that cosigns all the important actions of our lives may be among the above or not. One thing is certain, its necessity is no minor that the importance of the air we breathe, at least as far as daily undertakings are concerned.

This is why we should all get affirmation from those things and persons that truly matter.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

PAMPERING IN RELATIONSHIPS; What may be at stake...

I was listening to my favourite morning radio show on Classic and quite an interesting issue was aired. It was all about pampering in relationships. On the first day they discussed men and on the second they finalized the topic with women.

Sadly, I did miss the first part about men but I was all ears on the next day's show on women. I got to hear crazy snippets from the prior show of how men 'behave' like gods, demanding stuff in order to have their spouses furnish their whims. As is characteristic of these things, some of the callers were bonafide comics but the rest had truly suffered the brunt of the issue….

Pros of pampering…

Pampering has one primal goal; to make the other person feel cherished, loved and honoured. It means that men will bring home the occasional bouquet of roses for her and offer a massage. He'll be all ears to what ever torments his beloved's mind. If he's all that plus a bag of chips, he'll run her bath water and offer to scrub her back.

Women will also make sure that their men come home to a warm, loving environment. Complete with a warm meal, caring voice and a nurturing, feminine touch; even the most troubled man could not ask for any more. At this point he will have experienced affection at its best.

The charm, allure and chivalry of courtship never truly ends or at least should never end. What is desirable and admirable is for a couple to look at each other every day and know exactly why they fell in love with each other in the first place.

Cons of pampering…

Back to my favourite phylosophical saying; "A virtue exists in between extremes.". You would think there is a big difference between someone who's doing something out of love and someone who is compelled into seeming servitude. No woman loves a 'yes man', this has always spelt doom since the genesis of man-woman unions. A woman would also seem less appealing if she mindlessly serves his man out of routine…

Loss of respect…

Being taken for granted is the problem both genders will have to grapple with. Male callers complained of blatantly being called 'wussies'. Women like men who they can look up to, not servants who are at their beck and call. This is why women are so intoxicated by the whole bad boy image; a rugged man who makes his way in life without fear of consequence- a man who will not slow down for anybody, not even her.

Men are forever attracted to a femme fatale; an elusive vixen who sucks the very energy out of him. For a seasoned hunter, the thrill is more in the chase than in relishing the spoils of the conquest. This gut, animalistic level of attraction is relegated to naught when it dawns on him that the chase is truly over. After the prey has been consumed, its time to pursue new conquests. This hunter's rule of thumb effectively spells damnation to what ever relationship there was, if ever.

Remedy for all that ails…

Life is all about balance. Sure we all get comfortable when we are in a mutually fulfilling arrangement. He grows that not-so-glorious pot and she suddenly doen't stun micro-skirts and dark mascara as much as she used to. Lethargy plagues the relationship and the next thing you know there is no relationship to remark on.

Balance demands that we never lose sight of what brought the two persons together to begin with. Back in the day he had to call with romancing lines all day long for him to earn the honour of a date that night (and certain 'inherent' privileges later on). She had to use her allure effectively enough so that he soon becomes oblivious to any other woman apart from her.

The key is not to seem to submissive to the other person and not to strain the relationship too much with what will start seeming like unfruitful attempts at wooing. Simply make the other person feel honoured to have you in their lives and everything else should fall into place.

Take care of the small things and the big things will take care of themselves...

Thursday, June 24, 2010

THE IMPORTANCE OF TOUCH; The role of hormone oxytocin

Touch is so vital to humans, and most of us don't get nearly enough of it. Babies deprived of touch don't develop normally because certain connections in the brain actually disappear. Orphans who receive very, very little touch often die as a result, and those who survive can experience permanent physical and mental retardation. Kids who don't get enough touch grow up to become aggressive and antisocial adults. Older adults who don't get enough touch also suffer, becoming senile sooner, and dying earlier. We're all affected by touch, and it's not "all in the mind"; rather it's the result of complex hormonal responses which actually change our bodies and brains

Touch causes our bodies to produce a hormone called oxytocin. Not only does touch stimulate production of oxytocin, but oxytocin promotes a desire to touch and be touched: it's a feedback loop that can have wonderful results. Oxytocin makes us feel good about the person who causes the oxytocin to be released, and it causes a bonding between the two persons. Nursing a baby produces oxytocin in both mother and child, and this is a major part of what initially bonds the mother and her baby. Even thinking of someone we love can stimulate this hormone; when women in good marriages were asked to think about their husbands, the level of oxytocin in their blood rose quickly.

There's more. Oxytocin plays a significant role in our sexuality too. Higher levels of oxytocin result in greater sexual receptivity, and because oxytocin increases testosterone production (which is responsible for sex drive in both men and women) sex drive can also increase. Moreover, this hormone does not just create a sexual desire in women, coupled with estrogen it creates a desire to be penetrated (that is, it makes her want intercourse).Oxytocin increases the sensitivity of the penis and the nipples, improves erections, and makes both orgasm and ejaculation stronger; it may even increase sperm counts. And while oxytocin can move us towards sex, sex increases production of oxytocin: nipple stimulation, genital stimulation, and intercourse all raise the level of oxytocin in men and women. Orgasm causes levels to spike even higher, three to five times normal, creating the "afterglow" closeness that is experienced following lovemaking. The fact that sex increases oxytocin levels can be helpful for women who complain they "never feel like sex." Having sex, even when you don't have a drive to do so, will actually affect you in ways that will result in a greater sex drive. This also explains, at least in part, why many women find that the more sex they have, the more they want, and the less sex they have, the less they want.

Another interesting effect of oxytocin is that it decreases mental processes and impairs memory. This is why hugging and touching can help us recover from an argument. The oxytocin helps us to stop thinking about it, and even forget some of the pain we felt. While hugging may not be a natural response during conflict, it can quickly cool things off.

While most of us suffer from living in an anti-touch society, women tend feel more touch-starved than men, probably due to the fact that they have more estrogen. A woman who is not receiving enough touch becomes withdrawn and even depressed. In this condition a woman can become strongly, and even violently opposed to sexual touch. If the situation continues, she may become so withdrawn that she is no longer open to the very touch she needs.

So how do we touch more? Mostly we need to be aware of the need. We need to retrain ourselves and look for opportunities to touch. Even a gentle brief touch has an effect, and the more the better. Learn to walk hand-in-hand or arm-in-arm. When you go to church, or watch TV, or sit talking to friends, sit close enough to touch each other. When you're both reading find a way to be in contact with each other ... even sitting at opposite ends of the couch with your feet touching will work. When you are eating together play footsies. Rub each other's shoulders or feet, or give a long massage. Do anything which brings your body into contact with your spouse, and do it often. And don't forget your kids, they need touch too!!
I guess both us and cats have one thing in common; we need regular petting...

Saturday, May 29, 2010


Indeed, the worthiest lessons in life are forged in us through motivation and they are the ones held most dear. These are my words of enlightenment....


~"Only one's foes mistake confidence and initiative for arrogance and foolhardiness."

~"An independent person is a dependable person, qualities any good friend should have"

~"We are all products of our environment; only the chosen few can break the tethers that bind them to mediocrity"

~"Ambition, drive and success are supposed to be attractive attributes for anyone; if they aren't to you, then the subject is probably better off without you."

~"Don't fixate on all you did wrong because you didn't know better; focus on all the things you would do right when a second chance or a new opportunity presents itself."

~"One should not get too intoxicated by the splendor of youth; it doesn't last long but its consequences always does."

~"In some sick, twisted way, I suppose life is fair; if you are skeptical about this, think karma."

~"There are two type of women; the first know they are beautiful & they spend their time becoming gracious and dignified individuals while the others desperately want to believe they are beautiful and spend their time trying to convince the world so in vain.".

~"In the never ending quest for success, its seldom about being actually or politically correct but usually about how swiftly you adapt to change"

~"One should constantly be a gentleman to the ladies around him; even if she is undesirable, rest assured she'll spend her free time singing your praises to her friend who is all you could ever wish for in a woman."

~"Life is an investment; usual perils notwithstanding, how profitable it is solely depends on how intelligent you are."

~"One village's peasant may come to be the next's royalty"

~"The worst possible outcome of a bad experience would be one not learning from it; all the pains would have then been endured in vain."

~"If you aren't starting something new, you are finishing something old."

~"The harder you search, the faster you find something but the harder you fight to retain it, the faster you lose it."

~"Understanding oneself is a victory whose glory pales only in comparison to conquest over a legion of worthy adversaries."

~"Never despair if your lady walks with another man for as long as she is willing to gaze into your eyes, you have the opportunity to once again win her heart."

~"Success is not about how high you tower our the multitudes; its is about how long the shadow you cast is."

~"The easiest prey to ensnare will forever be the one under the illusion of being the predator."

~"Never let fear of risk prevent you from living, doing so is letting peril take the day; short of technicality, you aren't exactly alive."

~"Never settle for someone who stays with you because you are the better options; be with one who feels there is no choice but to be with you."

~"If you ever want to know the value of something, query the one whose life has forever been altered by the commission or omission of whatever is in question."

~"Whenever you feel you can't trust your soulmate, trust in the fact that hurting you will hurt them twice as much."

~"Saving a drowning person is easy. However, rescuing one who seems a little bit too unperturbed by the imminent peril might prove much difficult."

~"The only difference between humans and animals is the fact that the former learn through understanding while the latter do through fear."

~"The Bible is like a person; torture it long enough and it will say whatever you want it to."

~"There are two types of people; those who are pursued by good fortune and those who have to pursue it. Only the latter truly know where they are going."

~"Relationships are like a phone call; if you still aren't getting any feedback, its probably time to hang up."

~"A clever hunter derives pleasure & rejuvination from the hunt, not frustration & fatigue."

~"Compromise is a card dealt only when the game stands to be in one's favour."

Monday, March 29, 2010

HELPERS OR PREDATORS? Scary new dimensions to child defilement...

Was enjoying brunch this morning with one of my sisters, a much-welcomed change to the hustle & bustle of campus life. As our conversation deviated from the jovial morning banter to the more stern societal happenings, I caught wind of some disturbing news...


My sister, Angie* told me about the goings on in her friend’s life. The friend (Acquainted to me also) called Rose* is currently in quite a conundrum. She has a 7-year-old son, Vincent, who has met quite a disturbing fate. The evening before, as they conversed, Rose confided to Angie that her house help has done ghastly things to her son. At first, she noticed Vincent was quite knowledgeable about sex. That is T.M.I (too much info) for a kid that young. After using every sort of persuasion tactic, from bribery to plain old coaxing, Vincent finally told mommy that the maid made him ‘lie on top of her’. More gory details surfaced upon breaking the ice.

The effect this has had on the boy is what I can describe as tragic. His personality has been altered to that unbefitting to a wee lad like him. There is a very good reason why programmes have parental advisory markers; there are some things a young mind should never have to be exposed to. The vividness and bluntness of little Vincent’s story blew my mind away.


These tales flung me back to when I was pretty much the same age as Vincent, back in standard two (2nd grade). After end term exams we’d go to secluded corners of our school compound and the other kids would narrate the activities they had done with their house maids. The stories were so surreal yet so relatable; we had a maid whose sole duty back then was to take care of little me. I could relate to their accounts the best an 8 year old can.

Even up to upper primary, when I was about 12 years old, the stories were still persistent, albeit laden with a little more detail. For some sick reason, it rather sounded like fun, believe it or not. Emotional and psychological traumas were undefined realities to a preteen back then. Fortunately for me, based on the multitudes of accounts I had come across, I was one of the lucky few who had been spared the displeasure of being defrocked of infantile innocence.


The more bewildered I got during brunch, the more Angie laden me with horror stories. She gave me what I consider the worst case of statutory rape facing little boys.

During usual workplace conversation, one of Angie’s colleagues narrated her relative’s ordeal. The relation in question had a young son whom she left in the care of a house help. The child and the help grew abnormally attached for no obvious reason. When the maid had to be dismissed due to health reasons, the little lad was distressed; this was not lost to the mother who was curious as to why he was taking this turn of events so hard. It was then when the body confided in the mother all that the maid had been doing to him in the name of playing childish games. The young boy gradually fell sick and died due to HIV related complications. The mother swore vengeance, promising herself that the gorgon who brought such tragedy to her homestead shall not continue living. As fate would have it, when this distraught mother finally reached the maid’s rural home, she found her wake ongoing; she had succumb to AIDS as her young victim had. I don’t know whether this quelled her fury and gave her closure but all in all, this is something you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy.


I happen to have a year old nephew. He just started walking and I wonder what life has in store for such toddlers as they grow older. The idea that that horror story could happen to you is quite chilling. Essentially, you leave your children at the mercy of sex-starved helps who have the potential of ruining your children’s future in more ways than you can fathom.

I have come across men and women alike who are quite sceptical about the whole concept of child bearing. I cannot blame them in the least bit. By adding such realities into the mix, their arguments are not only valid but also convincing.

*Names changed to protect privacy.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010


I take this chance to relay my belated New Year wishes, hoping it has been memorable thus far. As we seek greater heights in self-fulfilment, let these enlightening words fulfil & inspire your mind...


~"As you grow taller, the people around you may seem much shorter than they used to. You may no longer see eye to eye on issues but worry not; this is a natural part of life and personal development"

~"The difference between ordinary folk and true leaders is that the latter live by one deeply internalized principle; that they will be second to none"

~"The beauty of being misjudged is that when your foes wish they could have their cake and eat it too, you gleefully own the bakery itself"

~"Unfortunate is the fact that many people have to atone for past sins; tragic is the realization that for most of them, its simply too little too late"

~"One may be obliged to nurture what was sown in the past but for those whose futures are vast virgin lands, its their prerogative to cultivate however they deem fit"

~"Those in search of peace are momentarily cursed with unfulfilled desire but perpetually blessed with the honour of being custodians of what they seek"

~"Politicians..if its in their best interest to commit suicide rest assured they'll sign up everybody else for it first."

~"Friends are like sugar; in order to keep on enjoying it, you have to go out once in a while and get some more."

~"Human judgement can never be trusted-this is why rigid, objective rules are so vital for the sustenance of society."

~"The part year's style of cute and scruffy is over, this year will be graced with a polished, astute and debonair champion of the future; out with the old, in with the new "

~"A bad experience is like a horrid, rancid odour; a stench that adheres to one's surrounding be it persons, environs or circumstances. Eventually, one's surrounding becomes an unbearable reminder of past, an intolerable monument of yesterday's ails "

~"Success is more than a state of mind, its a whole new realm in existence; its what you think, hope, dream, believe, live and ultimately, fondly recall as a life well lived"

~"What you want is what you don't have but what you need is what you have never had"

~"Money isn't everything but its one hell of a consolation prize"

~"The only thing worse than being a commitment-phobe is fear of being single for a short while"

~"Nothing ever satisfies the human species; this is why we should be given less of what is desired and more of what required"
~"If there was ever a reason to hold on to ideals, it should be because reality, its polar opposite, is painfully disappointing & hopelessly inevitable."

~”Admitting a girl is too intense for you or refusing to settle for less when you know you deserve more doesn't make a guy weak or unrealistic; it makes him an honourable man who does not lie to anyone, especially not himself”

~"I long for the day dreams will come true and the hearts of people will be filled by nothing but thanksgiving"

~"the world is full of people who haven't the slightest idea of what they want out of life; this is why persons who live their lives trying to please others are the true definition of failure. "

~"One thing I've come to learn about women is that you only say what they say as they say it and never again. Case in point is the proclaimation of love; they'll be flattered when you say you feel the same about them but saying it too often will make you seem like a whipped wuss."

All the best this year...

Friday, January 22, 2010


These are some of the funnier moments of last year, take a look...


Well....I guess she’ll be SEEING you soon....


Its amazing what a swine flu scare can do to a town.


Now this is what I call a well-read book!


If you are going to borrow some unga ya ugali, please carry your sufuria, that way the donor knows you are serious!


Kinda makes you wonder what the slit on the stool is for...ventilation?


If you know you’re going to black out at the dorm room party, carry your own sleeping bag dummy!


Who says I can’t study, work and pint at the same time? Here is a sneak preview of how I pull of that hat-trick....


Silly construction worker thought he could fight me...this was what was left of him...I pounded him to the ground (no pun intended)


I’ve heard of bad hair-days but this scenario really brings the tears to your eyes....


I don’t own a plate, sasa nifanyeje?


And who says we can’t have hanglines in office buildings...


Dirty dishes got you feeling down? Fret not’ll put them in their place...preferably next to a trash can!


Now this is what I call feline love.


Dental hygiene is a good thing but cummon!


Mommy made this baby very, very happy...


We use electric coils for pretty much everything under the sun; source of light, cooking burner, room heater, DJ mix table, drying damp garments....hey, if the damn thing had an aerial we could watch TV on it.


No, the dog ain’t just knows the real meaning of being ‘laid back’.....

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

DON’T KISS AND TELL; Who failed this age old agreement?

I have been looking at a few cases where men’s indiscretions have been blown out of the water with their very own partners in crime. As you would imagine, Tiger Woods’ case is the juiciest. I will explain the whole issue for those who may not have fathomed the magnitude of the entire fiasco and give my two cents worth on the issue. I’ll also mention a troubling flaw in human personality; the overwhelming urge to destroy other people’s happiness.


For the record, what he did is wrong as far as morality and marital virtues are concerned. In sympathy of this brother of mine, I’d say he’s worst crime, apart from cheating on his gorgeous wife, was breaking the 11th commandment- “Thou shall not get caught”.

Apparently, the man went out with pretty much every class of women on the face of the planet. From Kalika Moquin, a marketing manager in one of Las Vegas’ ritzy establishments, to Mindy Lawton, an Orlando diner waitress. Whoever, my personal favourites are Rachel Uchitel, a shameless woman reputed for targeting and ensnaring married celebrities and of course, there is Los Angeles based porno star Holly Sampson.

So, what would make these not-so-distinguished women squeal on him? After all, nobody would ever try such a stunt if public humiliation was all but guaranteed. As I said earlier, some people just don’t want to see others prosper if they have anything to do with it. These ladies probably vehemently cried foul that Woods ‘used’ them. USED them? My dear, nobody blackmailed you into bed, it was all your doing. It’s a woman’s word and men are considered guilty before trial. But as my dad once said, unless you were raped, dare not blame the guy over whatever it is the two of you did.

This Tiger Woods issue is probably more complicated due to his status as a global icon. Apart from hush-hush money I’m sure these people no doubt demanded, they must have been absolutely enchanted by the idea of moving from a nobody to celebrity status and appearing on talk shows the likes of the Oprah Winfrey Show and the Tyra Banks Show. This incident ironically makes paranoia seem like a virtue; such are the people who would sell you into slavery for a bag of french fries.


Late last December, Maina Kageni and Mwalimu King’ang’i sought to get an explanation from some women on why they are more than willing to become a mistress to a married man only to sell them out to their wives. The consensus was that they are expected to pay for their mistress’ up keep and rightly so. Why did these women relish breaking up marriages while they were fully aware that they were temporary instalments in the men’s lives? If you think I’m unduly exaggerating or hitting below the belt, I wish you would have heard the glee in a few of the callers’ voices in retrospect of sinking their share of nuptial flotillas.

The issue of spite came up once again and it was tandem with my opinion on the issue. These women are not marriage material; they know it and so does the world around them. Despite how much they brag of how much they enjoy life without the grime and upheavals of matrimonial union, they are deeply bitter and green with envy of those women who will always have the honour of being acknowledged as someone’s wife. They resent weddings and hate family getaways because it was never meant for them; they steer clear of any long-term relationship because they might be immoral but they are definitely not blind to the fact that what goes around comes back around; Karma at its best.


I am an avid viewer of Citizen TV’s ‘Mother In Law’. My brother, father and I were analysing one of the most vibrant and scandalous characters on set, Sandra. As Alison’s (Naomi Kamau) best friend, the character makes a comeback occasionally. There were more hilarious episodes where the Sandra character went as far as to steal chapattis and stuff them in her handbag...funny stuff. This character is however famed for her anti-marriage advice as she seeks to wreck Jack and Alison’s matrimony and most recently, she got in between Robert and his wife.

You don’t need to be a mental health expert to know that Sandra is off her rockers. I don’t know which is more dreary; the chaos she causes in the lives of other characters on the show or the fact that there are actually people out there who are probably worse than that character. Prison’s are supposedly made for people like these; antisocial, unrelenting savages who are unremorseful of the pain and terror they bring to other people’s lives.


If you hate your status as the mistress in the ‘Mpango wa kando’ arrangement, why did you ever get into one? Why go out of your way to make an already awkward situation more unsavoury by going back on your promise of secrecy? Doing the right thing makes you righteous but sticking to your word makes you honourable, a virtue that is hardly commonplace today.

As for the men, there is rarely such a thing as ‘safe infidelity’; you might get blackmailed by the mistress later on and this is the mild outcome- those who steal with you will steal from you. Heaven forbid you be both randy and utterly stupid as to bring a sexually transmitted disease back home.