Saturday, January 29, 2011


I had the privilege of being in a club when the two sticks of the clock were facing the heavens, like any good herald of the new year would. The party was lively and the music invigorating; the locale was splendid and cumulatively, they did justice the marking of a new twelvemonth.

Those who know me are aware of my insatiable thirst to fathom my surrounding. Therefore, in keeping with this disposition , I started profiling my fellow revelers, the lively creatures of the night. I drew several broad classes of persons therein.


These are the people who are herded in the same locale my friends or a prior management. Sadly, I did not fall under this category. They had most of the fun but I really doubt any of them truly got a word in sideways to the person on the opposite side of the table. Thank goodness sign language was developed for persons as rowdy, and sometimes randy, as these.


These are the dudes who were having a hard time staying awake when I first entered the establishment. You would think that such would be ogling as there was no shortage of scantily wrapped eye-candy but you would be wrong.

Such a person was sitting behind me, back to back. Gravity took control of the old boy's massive head, with a backward bearing in a collision course with mine. I swear that falling off The Anniversary Towers, head first, would have hurt less.

Methinks they had finally given up paying for the mortgage and they became at peace with the idea of a public bedroom.


The joint was not endowed with a dance hall the size of a stadium. As the place continued to get packed, most found that the only space they'd call their own was the general area occupied by their feet.

Hilarious was when such people insisted on dancing to the fabulous cocktail of beats the talented disk jockey was conjuring up. I wonder if they ever realized that their idea of dancing was actually moving strictly vertically, like a yo-yo. Then again I guess I should not be hard on them since they were showing off to persons of the opposite gender.

After all, dancing is nothing but vertical movements with 'horizontal intentions'.


Now these are the people I did not envy. Their evening largely consisted of being planted on a sofa, watching the rest of humanity have fun. They had a mind-numbingly predictable hand movement: glass taken up and down then phone taken real close to the eyeballs or ears.

Some of them were on facebook lying to their friends of how great the party was. Others were trying to call friends in the desperate hope that they'd get company but in vain. Those who came in late and lacked seats mimicked flag poles and coat hangers, tucked away in some dark corners of the club

Come to think of it, beer companies do not exclusively sell alcohol in kegs for their benefit and instead use portable vessels like cans and bottles. If you ever find yourself in this situation, stay at home and drink yourself silly there.


These are the people who attracted anything with a pulse. Some were as over-dressed as a gazelle usually is; as you can imagine, very little fabric was attached to their skin. Others were in desperate need of a duffel bag because their wallets were not cutting the mustard. For these people, the ends justified the means and they had the honour of having the most fun.

They walked up and down, secretly keeping score of how many phone numbers they would get or give, depending on whether you were a dangler or not.


I'm no authority on having a good time, small wonder which group I was in. All I'm saying is that there is great humour in analyzing your milieu. After a few bottles, the room usually turns into a circus and everybody a clown.

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